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Posts Tagged ‘parenting’

A mother’s children are portraits of herself.
~ Author Unknown

 Where parents do too much for their children, the children will not do much for themselves.
~ Elbert Hubbard
 

The walks and talks we have with
our two-year olds in red boots
have a great deal to do with the values
they will cherish as adults.

~ Edith F. Hunter

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In No Hurry For Anything

Most of the time, we make children follow our pace. Our years and years of experience, makes us believe that we are the leaders and they need to be the followers. It never occurs to us that the little ones’ lives are so different from ours. Moreover, they have nobody but us to take them through this life the way they deserve. They deserve our attention and our time. Not only their physical, but also emotional and psychological requirements need to be addressed. They need us to slow down to their pace sometimes so that they can see the world with their little eyes and make sense of it in their little minds. In fact, we need to see the world as they see it. Their vision is all open and hence, far wider than ours. They think and look beyond the surface, which we become focused on. All this helps them broaden their perspective of the world. This is where their comprehension and analysis of life begins. But do we let them do that in peace?

The following poem titled ‘Hurry Up’ by Cecilia Benson  captures the thought.

 

 “Hurry up,” I always hear you say, “Or I will leave you behind.”

I hear these words the whole day long and though you are so kind,

Most of the time I just wish I would hear you softly say,

“Just take your time tying your shoes, or finish up your play.”

 The world is all new to me; time has not dimmed my sight;
And all around me there’s things to see that fill me with delight.

Don’t catch me up in your round-rush, your pressures I cannot stand.

Just slow down and look around, and then you will understand.

Please let me take the time to look, to listen, and to climb.

I’ll miss some things along the way if I hurry all the time.
For some day you’ll say, “Hurry up!”, when you’re walking down the road.
You’ll turn around and I’ll be gone; `cause I hurried up and growed!

~ Miles To Go..

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Bullying is the act of intimidating or threatening a weaker person in order to prove one’s power or to make them do something. It is an unfortunate practice that takes its roots right from childhood. In the last few days I was involved in an in-depth research about bullying at schools and in play-fields. It gave me the opportunity to do an extensive study on this issue using theories from experts, interviews with children, teachers and parents. The results have been eye-opening. I will try to highlight some of the most important information which can be helpful for us to save our children from either being bullied or from being bullies.

Bullying has many forms. It can be physical (punching, poking, strangling), verbal (using words to generate inferiority in others), and psychological/emotional (ignoring, isolation, rejecting or terrorising). The other emerging type of bullying which is spreading like an epidemic these days is ‘cyber-bullying’. This includes sending hatred messages over the internet and emails including prejudice, racism, sexism and other comments to distort self-esteem.

Bullying is an intended intangible crime mostly performed by minors on minors and can be extremely dreadful. Unfortunately there are no strict laws and no formal regulations from the school boards and governments. The best we can do is to identify it at the earliest and to take a strong and well-planned action to nip this evil in its bud.

Bullying is not a one-time event. It always happens repetitively which makes this practice more severe and fatal. Children who lack social skills and who have no friends, who are physically weak or insecure and emotional can be easily traced by bullies who are like sharks smelling blood in the water.

There are some tips for parents which can help them to figure out if their child is a victim of bullying:

–          Are there some occasions when your child could not explain to you the reason for his bruises, scratches or torn clothes?

–          Does your child often complain of stomach-aches and headaches, especially when it is time to go to school?

–          Is your communication decreasing with your child? Do you often find him or her isolated and disinterested in activities?

–          Are your children frequently losing their stuff at school? For example, toys, stationery items, lunchboxes and even cell-phones?

–          Is your child’s performance deteriorating without any visible and understandable reason to you?

–          Are they becoming more temperamental? Do you find frequent crests and troughs in their behaviour?

–          Are they never being invited at birthday parties and other gatherings by their fellow students?

The above mentioned signs may indicate that they are going through something rough at school or in the playfield, which is worth observing. There are some very simple questions you can ask your child which can help you dig deeper to see if they are going through any physical or emotional problem at school:

–          Do you like your school? Why or why not?

–          How many friends do you have? Do you like your friends? Why or why not?

–          Who is your best friend? And why?

–          What kind of activities you perform at school?

Always try to communicate with your child about the school activities, about their involvement and about their interests and concerns. Build and improve your child’s self-confidence. Some people enrol their child in more aggressive sports and self-defence courses. Bullying cannot be stopped by responding in the same manner as the bully. The best method is to equip your child in such a manner that he is better able to handle those who bully. To avoid being bullied, here are some things children should know:

  • Be friendly but try not to be too noticeable when you know a bully is around.
  • Be confident. Think positively about yourself. If your self-esteem is low and a bully thinks he can dominate you, he probably will.
  • Be polite but firm. Giving these signals right in the beginning usually prevents a bully from coming at you.
  • Revenge is not the answer. The bully’s behaviour will only worsen. Ignore the person who is trying to hurt you.
  • Take control of your feelings. Sometimes writing your feelings down or talking to an adult helps.

The Other Side:

It is also important to know about the bully. There can be chances that your child himself or herself is a bully. Historically, only boys were considered to be bullies. But these days, girls cannot be neglected as potential bullies. Rather, in issues of verbal and emotional bullying, girls are more active and hurtful than boys. Never underestimate the negative impacts of bullying and never take it lightly considering it to be just a fun activity.

Statistics are suggesting that more than fifty percent of children who bullied others at school end up getting involved in a criminal offence at least once in their lifetime. Make it very clear to your child that you will not tolerate any kind of bullying behaviour and also discuss with him the negative impacts of bullying on the victims he will target.

Being parents, we should be quite careful about the behaviour and personality of our children. It is very important to monitor them closely, although with minimal interference. Once grown up, they may forget some specific incidents, but they will not forget their own or others’ behaviour. The impact of that behaviour in their childhood will largely influence their personality and well-being as adults.

~ Prashant Shori

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Communicating with our children sometimes become a challenge – no matter how old the child is. There are some important things about message delivery – the way messages are sent and received. Sometimes, we miss the obvious signs of miscommunication and let the problem rise. The following video is an excerpt from a program on TVO channel that offers some advice.

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