Family! This word conjures up an image of a group of people — both young and old — standing next to each other, holding hands and smiling. This is usually what is seen in traditional family portraits and is conventionally considered to be an ideal image of a family.
Taking a step deeper beyond the ‘looks’, let us think about how much togetherness they actually share.
Do the members of a family really stand by each other holding hands? No, we don’t. The fact is that not only in good times, but even in tough times, no one cares about one another. Some might pretend to be present physically or at the most say some comforting words, but when it comes to truly comforting the person – whether it be a parent, grandparent, a sibling or a child – we often fail miserably to do even our duty, let alone doing any selfless service.
How often do we even smile in each other’s company? It is one thing to give a smiling pose for a picture but a totally different thing to share a genuine smile. In fact, we seem to have lesser and lesser time to smile. We enter the house, leave the house and work or sleep inside our house like robots. We do not smile and greet each other in the family any more when someone returns home. Nor do we smile and wave at each other when a family member leaves. Sometimes, when we watch television together or are engaged in other external sources of entertainment as a family, occasionally we smile or laugh. But that pleasantness is not directed towards each other. It is directed towards the idiot box or the media source we are engrossed in.
If we analyze further, we find that as families, we do not live up to our roles at all. We do not show our excitement at family ventures, we do not show our commitment and sincerity to family-time and we do not stand by each other in times of need.
What’s even more unfortunate is that family members are generally looking for chances to pull each other’s leg. We feel that others in the family are standing over us, instead of standing by us. They seem to be watching everything we are doing and are ready with their taunts at the first opportunity they get. And when it comes to us, we do the same to them.
In households, it is common to hear, “I already knew it!” or “See! Didn’t I tell you? But who listens to me?” and worse still “You are hopeless! No one in the family has ever been like you. I wonder who you take after!”
Amidst such environments, it is hard to feel a sense of belonging, caring and togetherness. One does not feel like going home at the end of a busy day, when such an atmosphere awaits. A home is not a home but just a shelter in such cases. A well-known adage says, “A house is made with bricks but a home is made with hearts”. Sadly, our hearts are not very much in the picture. So, our family portraits are mere appearances, acts of pretence.
We have to understand that we need our families. It is up to each and every member of the family to try to create an atmosphere conducive to peace and joy. Who would understand our true worth, but our family? As a family, we should encourage each other and help bring out each other’s strengths. We can start with simple things like a hearty acknowledgement of the other person’s presence or words, an encouraging remark, a loving gesture or even one simple, genuine smile. If our heart is in the right place, our home will be too!
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